


The Safety Of Your Cruelty

by Dorian (AmericanaEx0tica)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, Blood and Gore, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, cheol is a vamp, things get tough y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24764623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmericanaEx0tica/pseuds/Dorian
Summary: That's not his Seungcheol. He's not afraid of his Seungcheol. He doesn't cringe away from his touch, he doesn't tense when he hears his voice, he doesn't vomit when his Seungcheol asks for a kiss.This Seungcheol acts like him, but he's not Jihoon's Seungcheol.He is a monster.[Or: in which Seungcheol isn't Seungcheol anymore and Jihoon tries to adjust]
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 41
Kudos: 68





	1. chapter one

_Oh, darling._

_My darling._

_To think that you would have me here, wrapped up in the safety of your cruelty._

_To hold me so close I'm suffocating. To caress me so gently you leave bruises. To love me so dearly you_ _break_ _me._

_Break me into a hundred pieces so that when you lay hands on me, tiny shards made up of_ **_me_ ** _dig into your skin, so that when you leave me, I don't leave you._

_Oh, darling._

_My darling._

_To think you'd have me here, wrapped up in the uncertainty of your love_.

-

[February 1, 7:50 a.m.]

He's making breakfast when he hears the door to his apartment open. There's the jingle of keys that reassures him that, yes, it's his boyfriend and no, it's not a burglar breaking in.

"Baby, I'm back."

Jihoon smiles to himself before he stomps it down into a fake scowl. He turns off the stove and steps around the corner to face Seungcheol.

"Who are - _oh, my God, Seungcheol_ \- " Whatever Jihoon was going to say to Seungcheol dies off at the tip of his tongue when he sees blood staining his shirt.

Seungcheol only winces when he tugs his shirt off and then has the audacity to shrug casually, like it's just a scratch and not a wound big enough to stain his shirt down to his chest, "I'm fine."

"Like hell you are!" Jihoon screeches, hands hovering awkwardly because he doesn't know what to _do_. He settles on taking the bag holding a milk carton from Seungcheol's hand, "What the fuck happened!"

Seungcheol shrugs, trying not to wince again, and trails after Jihoon as he all but throws the milk onto the kitchen counter.

"I dunno. A, uh, this guy just like..." Seungcheol makes vague motions with his hand like it'd help Jihoon understand. Jihoon scowls, leading Seungcheol into their bathroom and rummaging through the cabinets to find the cotton balls and alcohol.

"This guy just _what_ , Seungcheol?" Jihoon asks a little harsher than he means to, gently pressing a wet cloth to the... bite mark? On his shoulder. A bite mark on his shoulder, what the actual fuck, "He just came up to you and _bit_ you?"

No response.

"No way - "

"Yeah." Seungcheol blurts out in one breath, "That's - that's _legit_ what happened."

Jihoon doesn't say anything else, just cleans his boyfriend up and debates whether he should take him to the hospital or not. His shirt was practically soaked but the wound... the wound is not deep. The depth is that of a paper cut, teeth marks visible and skin pink with irritation but it's not bleeding.

"We should go to the doctor's or something."

"Nah." Seungcheol says, "I'm fine. It's not that serious."

"What do you mean? You were drenched in blood!"

"Well, I'm not passing out from blood loss. And it's not bleeding anymore which means it's not that deep. I'm fine now."

Jihoon frowns. "Fine. But I'm checking on that thing hourly and if I see the slightest sign of infection, I _will_ drag you to the hospital."

Seungcheol only smiles and kisses him in response.

Their day goes by without much fuss, Seungcheol's wound not acting up and so Jihoon lets himself relax.

-

[February 2, 3:25 a.m.]

Jihoon wakes up with his nose pressed up against Seungcheol's bare collarbone thanks to the habit his boyfriend has of sleeping shirtless.

He feels warm - _too warm_.

Seungcheol is sweating, drenching their sheets and Jihoon's shirt and _ew_.

"Cheol." Jihoon slurs, eyes drooping, and taps on his boyfriend's chest. He calls his name over and over, getting increasingly frustrated and worried when Seungcheol doesn't respond. Jihoon resorts to sitting next to Seungcheol, trying to shake him awake. He doesn't respond, doesn't even grunt when Jihoon leans on his stomach.

 _We should've gone to the doctor_.

Jihoon turns Seungcheol's head, exposing the left side of his neck to him. He peels back the gauze he taped on him. The bite wound is still there, still a little pink but not red to indicate infection. There's no swelling or pus either. Seungcheol has a fever though, that much is obvious.

Jihoon tries to wake up his boyfriend one last time, shaking him hard and calling his name louder than he should at buttfuck in the morning.

Jihoon wipes a hand down his face, climbing off the bed to rush to the bathroom.

Jihoon wipes down Seungcheol's face and throat with a wet hand towel before placing another damp towel over his forehead. He makes sure the sheets are off of Seungcheol before he leaves to bring down the temperature of the apartment. There's a bottle of ibuprofen next to their bed with a bottle of water that he intends to wake Seungcheol up for.

Jihoon sits next to his boyfriend, rubbing his hand down Seungcheol's arm before leaning over to gently pat Seungcheol's face.

"Seungcheol. Wake up, please." He says, voice stern. He taps his hand on Seungcheol's cheek a little harder and he feels more panic rush through him. "Cheolie, please open your eyes. Please. Cheol?"

Jihoon shakes Seungcheol by the shoulders.

"Wake up! Don't make me hurt you Because I will, don't test me. I know I only ever threaten to hurt you, but this time I mean it. Wake the fuck up. Wake that ass up. Get up. Open your eyes." Jihoon says, Seungcheol's face cupped between his hands as he shakes his head gently. Jihoon can see the sweat beading up on his skin again, along his throat and shoulders and his collarbones and, _yeah_ -

Jihoon _has_ seen him sweat this much before, and, yeah, he doesn't find it gross in those times, but when his boyfriend is sweating this much Seungcheol is awake and responsive and eager and, _whoa_ , not the time to think about that.

The point is: Seungcheol is not responding and the sweating is a little gross.

Jihoon sighs, opens the water bottle and uncaps the ibuprofen, taking out two pills. He opens Seungcheol's mouth, dropping the pills into his mouth and pouring water in too.

Jihoon closes his mouth again, placing his hand over Seungcheol's nose and waits until his boyfriend chokes a little, swallowing the pills against his will. He feels a little relief at that.

Jihoon stays awake all morning, trying to bring Seungcheol's temperature down. It goes down thanks to the ibuprofen, but not enough to comfort Jihoon. He even calls his manager to ask for the day off, explaining his situation.

Joshua wishes his boyfriend a quick recovery and assures him he won't get fired, but, " _Please_ , Jihoon don't call this early again. It's, what, five a.m.?"

Seungcheol's temperature manages to go down more, after a while, to the point where Jihoon feels himself relax enough to leave the room for more than five minutes.

_He'll be fine. He's fine. It's fine. He's fine. He'll be fine._

Jihoon wipes his hands down his face, leaning against the kitchen counter. A glass of water is in front of him. He feels panic, wonders if he should take Seungcheol to the hospital.

And say what?

_My boyfriend got bitten by a random man? The bite isn't infected? But he had a fever? It went down and he might be fine? But please check on him? Is he going to die? Oh, God?_

Jihoon drinks from the glass of water, choking when he hears a groan coming from his room. It sounds... unsettling in the quiet apartment, raising the hair on his arms in alarm.

Jihoon rushes to his room, eyes widening when he sees Seungcheol arched off the bed, mouth wide open with hands fisted in the sheets.

"Oh, god. Seungcheol!" Jihoon yells, scrambling over to pry his boyfriend's hands off the sheets. Seungcheol lets out another moan, rattling Jihoon. He sounds like he's in pain, so much pain, and it makes Jihoon's eyes prickle with tears. "Jesus, Seungcheol, what's wrong with you?"

Seungcheol's moan only grows louder and longer. It's been one continuous and deafening sound, making Jihoon's chest squeeze with terror by the way Seungcheol's mouth widens and refuses to close. He's arching on the bed, body tense like he's about to snap into a million pieces. His face and neck are flushed an angry red, skin slick with sweat. His eyes are shut, fluttering, hair plastered to his forehead.

Jihoon is terrified.

"Seungcheol! Seungcheol, please!" Jihoon yells, still gripping onto Seungcheol's fists, "Seungcheol, you're scaring me!"

His moan stops abruptly, body flopping down on the bed and going absolutely still.

There's silence.

No sound but Jihoon's raspy breathing. The sound of his own heart beating in his ears.

Jihoon stares at Seungcheol's chest, waiting for it to rise and fall.

Nothing.

"Seungcheol?" Jihoon says, prying his hands away from Seungcheol's arm, "Cheolie? Baby?"

Nothing.

"Seungcheol? Baby, breathe please."

Nothing.

"Oh, god, oh, no, oh, please no, Seungcheol please wake up. Oh, no. Oh, no."

Nothing.

Seungcheol doesn't react to Jihoon shaking him, tapping on his face, straddling him and crying over his body.

_Police. Police. Call the police._

Jihoon scrambles out of the room, vision blurry with tears. He heads to the kitchen, looking for his phone. He manages to knock over his half finished glass of water. Water spills everywhere, glass scatters but Jihoon doesn't mind.

He does step on it though.

The tiles are pink, growing darker with each second that passes by, the more Jihoon walks around in the puddle with a bleeding foot.

Jihoon can't find his phone, pain tuned out. He turns to leave the kitchen and runs into Seungcheol.

"Move! I need my phone! Seungcheol is - he's - he's - " Jihoon trails off when strong arms wrap around him, pulling him close. "Seungcheol?"

He doesn't respond, just wraps himself around Jihoon, looming and unsettling.

Jihoon sobs, sagging in his boyfriend's arms, burying his face in his chest while Seungcheol nuzzles his neck.

"Oh, my god! I thought you died! Oh, god, Seungcheol, I'm so glad you're up - "

Seungcheol doesn't respond, pressing his lips to Jihoon's skin.

"Seungcheol, this is not the time for that, I was so scared," Jihoon hiccups, trying to push away only for Seungcheol to tighten his arms, "Seungcheol, please, we need to give you a bath, you're cold and sweaty."

There's a brief, brief moment of peace before all hell breaks loose.

There's a brief moment where Jihoon tries to listen to Seungcheol's heartbeat but finds nothing. There's a brief moment where Jihoon tries to feel Seungcheol breathing with him to find nothing. He wants to feel feel Seungcheol's warmth, but he feels cold down to his bones.

There's a brief, brief moment that floods Jihoon with foreboding.

Jihoon goes stock still, Seungcheol _still_ not moving at all, wrapped around him like a cage.

And then everything goes to shit.

Seungcheol bites Jihoon.

"What the fuck?" Jihoon yells, struggling when he feels Seungcheol break through skin. It makes him twitch in pain, desperate to push Seungcheol away. He feels blood trickle down his shoulder and it makes Jihoon go wild, "What the fuck!"

Seungcheol pulls back, Jihoon screeching like an absolute mad man when he feels tissue tear and warmth trickle down his shoulder.

"Let go! Let go!" Jihoon screams at the top of his lungs, wriggling an arm out of Seungcheol's grip. He tangles his fingers in Seungcheol's hair, only managing to dip his tongue in Jihoon's wound before Jihoon pulls him back harshly. Seungcheol moans at the back of his throat, trying to shake off Jihoon's grip.

He peers down at Jihoon.

With black holes as eyes.

He hisses at Jihoon.

With sharp teeth in his mouth.

"Son of a bitch!" Jihoon grunts when Seungcheol snaps his teeth at him, wriggling his other arm free. He pushes Seungcheol's face away from him, hand colliding with his jaw. He hears a loud click, then he sees blood drip out of the corners of Seungcheol's mouth.

They both freeze before Jihoon shoves Seungcheol hard enough they both fall down. Jihoon pushes himself off Seungcheol, scrambling away to stand at the kitchen's doorway.

Seungcheol groans in pain, mouth falling open to let blood flow out if his mouth. He rolls over to his side and spits out the tip of his tongue.

Jihoon gags, booking it to the bathroom. He slams the door shut, locking it with trembling hands.

He leans against the sink, looks at his reflection and thinks,

_What now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should I be posting this? probably not. chapter two of this bad boy is gonna be up tomorrow ladies and gents, I PROMISE.
> 
> this will be not longer than five chapters, j swear and if it is, I will go back in time and kick my own ass. this is just to get my mind off of paradise isn't lost (go read that btw) because writing for that piece whittles away at my soul.
> 
> also, sorry for the shitty whatever that is at the beginning. I wrote that when I was feeling Weird™ and Uncomfortable ™
> 
> when will chapter three or four or five of this be uploaded? ur guess is as good as mine buddy, I only have two chapters finished lmaooo
> 
> as always, please let me know what you think I love u and I'll see u in the next chapter


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a quiet answer, like he's unsure and scared, but Jihoon feels no sympathy, no pity, no mercy.

[Feb 2, 6:40 a.m.]

Jihoon looks at his reflection.

There's blood dripping down his left shoulder, flesh raw and dangling.

Jihoon gags.

_Son of a bitch tried to chew my shoulder off._

His feet hurt, can feel the glass shards in his feet.

He winces, sitting down on the toilet and propping up his right foot on his knee. He starts picking the glass out of his skin, breathing harshly when a particularly long and thin shard is pulled out. He tosses the glass into the trash bin next to the toilet.

He sits on the edge of the tub, swinging his feet into the tub, running warm water before sticking his feet under the faucet. He presses his feet on the shaggy rug in front of the tub, hoping it stops the minimal bleeding, and pulls the towel off the hanger next to him.

He wets the towel before he presses it to his shoulder, eyes pricking with tears from the pain. He's starting to feel a little woozy, adrenaline having worn off even if he's waiting for Seungcheol to come banging on the door.

The apartment is strangely quiet. He hasn't heard the front door open, so he has to be in the apartment.

_My neighbors? Why haven't they checked up on us? We haven't been exactly quiet. What is going on? Black holes, sharp teeth. Fuck. I'm going to die. Is he even alive? What the fuck._

Jihoon stands in front of the mirror again, cotton balls and alcohol and bandaids at hand.

"A bandaid is not big enough for this." He says to himself, just to hear his voice. Jihoon douses the bite in alcohol, crying from the pain. He ignores the bandaids and grabs gauze, taping it down.

_I did this yesterday around this time too. To Seungcheol._

Jihoon stares at his reflection.

_Get out. Get out. Get out._

Jihoon searches the bathroom for something, anything to use as a weapon. He can't find anything so he figures he'll have to make it to his bedroom where a baseball bat is waiting for him.

_Can I hurt him? Yes, absolutely. Survival. Survival. God, what is this? The zombie apocalypse? Fuck, I've been trying to keep him_ _**alive** _ _for the past few hours._

Jihoon takes a deep breath before yanking the door open, yelling in pain when he gets tackled by Seungcheol. They land on the tiny tiled floor, Jihoon's head knocking back in the floor painfully. He's being crushed under Seungcheol's body, breath nearly knocked out of him.

"Son of a bitch!" He yells when he can breathe better, immediately struggling when Seungcheol tries to pin him down, "Fuck off! Fuck off!"

"Stay still!"

It's the first things he's said since he wished Jihoon sweet dreams and it makes his vision blur with tears.

One, because he loves Seungcheol.

Two, because he doesn't recognize Seungcheol.

_Black holes. Sharp teeth. Blood stains. Cold skin. He's not breathing._

_Can I hurt him?_

He shoves Seungcheol back by the jaw again, slowly making sure he's kneeling over him. Jihoon scrambles to his feet, letting out a yell before he kicks Seungcheol on the chest, making him sprawl out on the floor.

_Survival. Survival. You have to_ _even if you don't want to._

Jihoon jumps over Seungcheol with the intention of sprinting to his bedroom, but Seungcheol hooks a hand around his ankle.

Jihoon lands on his hands and knees, throwing a look over his shoulder to see Seungcheol scrambling towards him with a vice grip on his ankle. Jihoon tries to shake him off, kicking at Seungcheol with his other leg.

"Let go!"

"Stay still!"

"Fuck you!"

"Jihoon!"

Jihoon twists out of Seungcheol's grip, running to his bedroom and slamming the door shut behind him.

"Jihoon!" Seungcheol roars, banging on the door. "Let me in!"

Jihoon locks the door, rushing to his bed. He finds the bat easily, reaching under the bed and pulling it out.

"Jihoon." Seungcheol says again, no banging on the door this time, "Let me in."

"Fuck you." Jihoon spits, despite wanting to stay quiet. He grips the bat in his hand, "... what the fuck are you?"

"... your boyfriend?"

"Wrong, try again."

"Jihoon."

"Fuck you!" Jihoon yells, "What the fuck are you?"

He goes to his closet, pulling on some pants and a sweater, slipping some shoes on. Seungcheol won't break down the door.

_Phone?_

He finds it on the nightstand, out of battery, and he shoves it into his pocket.

_Get out. Get out. Out, out, out!_

"Jihoon, please, let me in."

"What the fuck are you? What is going on? What the fuck." Jihoon says, standing in front of the door. "What are you?"

"I don't know."

It's a quiet answer, like he's unsure and scared, but Jihoon feels no sympathy, no pity, no mercy.

"What are you?"

"Jihoon - "

"Fine. Who are you?"

"I'm Seung - "

"Wrong." Jihoon says, kicking at the door, "You are not him. He would never do what you did. He's not a monster. Who are you?"

Silence.

Jihoon unlocks the door, pulling it open.

He swings the bat and Seungcheol barely manages to jump out of the way.

"What the fuck!"

"What are you?" Jihoon yells, stepping forward and swinging again. This time Seungcheol takes more than two steps back. "Who are you!"

_Black holes. Sharp teeth. Blood stains. No rise and fall of his shoulders._

"Put that down."

Jihoon's face twists in what he knows is a horrible, disgusting expression, stalking forward to swing the bat again. He misses, putting a dent on the wall. Seungcheol runs to the living room, putting the sofa between them.

"Jihoon."

"I'm leaving." Jihoon says, "I _will_ come back with more people. Either fucking leave and stay away or stay and I'll get you locked up, you freak."

Seungcheol raises his hands in a placating manner, shrugging when Jihoon inches to the front door. He slips through the door, running down the hall to take the stairs.

_Elevator is too slow. Gotta make it - gotta make it to the - the stairs, I gotta make it -_

He doesn't make it.

He gets yanked back, hand clasped over his mouth so his screams are muffled, other hand around his waist.

Seungcheol is cooing in his ear as he thrashes, reassuring him that everything will be okay.

Seungcheol drags him back into the apartment, kicking the front door close.

Jihoon is face down in the living room.

Seungcheol's hand is around his mouth, wrists pinned on his back by Seungcheol's free hand and his stomach.

He's crying really hard. Really, _really_ hard. He can't breathe. There's spit smearing all over Seungcheol's hand and snot coming out of nose.

It's really gross.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." It's all he's been saying since he dragged Jihoon back into the apartment. His apartment. Their apartment.

Fuck.

Jihoon is crying really hard. Really, really hard.

Hard enough he can't breath, hard enough he passes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised didn't I?
> 
> please tell me what you think, I'll work on chapter three so it comes out soon which I hope does because it's started so I just gotta.... finish it.
> 
> see you in the next chapter


	3. chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon feels...
> 
> Jihoon doesn't know what he feels.

[Feb 2, 1:00 p.m.]

He wakes up.

For a moment he feels floaty, content, warm.

Then he tries to move and his arms don't move.

He opens his eyes.

He's in his room, hands tied above his head to the headboard with a scarf he gave Seungcheol the first winter they experienced together.

They weren't even living together and they had barely started dating, but they _experienced_ it together. With dates, with shared warmth, with texts and calls, giggles and linked fingers, with twinkling lights and hot coffee.

"It's not my birthday."

"I know."

"It's not Christmas."

"I know."

"So, why...?"

"Because it's cold."

"I see. Thank you."

Jihoon wants to cry.

So he does.

He cries - he does not sob.

Sobbing is no good, it's how he ended up tied.

Eventually he stops, skin around his eyes tight and sore. His eyes feel dry, sandy. They hurt and Jihoon takes several deep breaths.

_Get out._

He tugs at the scarf absentmindedly, looking around the room.

He's alone.

He curls his toes, lifting his head off the bed and lifting his leg so he can take a look at the soles of his feet.

They're healed. No scars, no wounds.

Jihoon lets his leg and head flop down on the bed.

He rolls his head as best as he can, shrugging his shoulder aggressively to feel the ache of the bite Seungcheol left, but nothing twinges. He only feels the ache on his arms from having his arms tied up.

Jihoon stares up at his tied wrists and pulls.

_Maybe I can tear the scarf?_

"You're awake."

Jihoon startles, pulling himself close to the headboard. His heart slamming against his ribcage.

Seungcheol is leaning against the doorway.

_Black holes._

Jihoon scowls at him, rage deep in his gut, trembling when Seungcheol takes a step into the room and closes the door behind him.

"You son of a bitch." Jihoon says, curling into himself when Seungcheol sits down at his feet. "All you had to do was leave. All you had to do was let _me_ leave and then fuck off yourself."

Seungcheol only tilts his head, face unreadable.

"What do you want? What do you want, fucking tell me!"

Jihoon tugs at the scarf and kicks out, yelling in anger when Seungcheol catches his ankle. He tries to kick out with his left foot but Seungcheol catches that one too.

He holds his legs apart and Jihoon flushes with humiliation.

"Let go." He growls, twisting wildly, pressing his thighs together, "Get away, you sick fuck."

Seungcheol slides his hands up his calf until he grips the back of his knees. Seungcheol pulls Jihoon to him, making his arms stretch out painfully. He spreads Jihoon's legs even further apart, shuffling until he's kneeling between them.

Seungcheol's thighs press up against his and Jihoon might throw up.

Fear flashes through him and he'd never would've thought he'd be afraid of Seungcheol.

"Help! Help me! Somebody help!" Jihoon screeches, thrashing like a feral cat, "Help me, please!"

Seungcheol presses up against him, almost folding him in half and Jihoon looks at the white ceiling through tears. Seungcheol huffs against Jihoon's ear.

"Please, Jihoon." Seungcheol mumbles into his ear and Jihoon cringes, trying to cover his ear with his shoulder. "Please listen to me."

Jihoon sobs.

"Please, please, _please_ \- get off me, let me go, let me go, go away, leave me _alone_." Jihoon pleads quietly, frozen solid. He doesn't want Seungcheol's hands on him, wants to squirm away but if he moves he touches him more and it makes his stomach churn painfully.

He's never been afraid of Seungcheol, had never even thought that he'd harm him, but right now - with Seungcheol close and unmoving, cold and cruel like he's never been before... Jihoon is very, very afraid.

"Listen to me, please. Please listen, I don't - " Seungcheol sounds close to tears himself, gripping Jihoon's trembling knees tighter. He presses his forehead to Jihoon's collarbone and Jihoon gasps for air, trying to still his quivering.

He doesn't want to expose his neck to Seungcheol but he doesn't want his face anywhere near him. His head is the only part he can move freely, he doesn't want to be anywhere close to Seungcheol.

Jihoon doesn't know what to do.

_Why isn't anyone coming? Can't they hear me? Why won't they - oh god, I'm going to die._

"I don't know what happened. I ju - just woke up so hungry and I saw you and I - _you were there_ and I could smell you and - and I'm so _sorry_." Seungcheol sobs, "I didn't want to hurt anyone. Not you or - or - "

Jihoon stares at the ceiling.

_I didn't want to hurt anyone._

"Get off." He rasps out, "Get off, now."

"Jihoon, please - "

"Get off." Jihoon repeats, gagging, squirming under Seungcheol, "Get - "

Seungcheol climbs off and Jihoon barely has time to turn his head before he vomits.

Jihoon retches, spitting on the floor and Seungcheol smooths his hand over his hair in what's supposed to be a comforting gesture, cooing and patting his back.

The affection only makes Jihoon gag more.

"What did - who else did you hurt?" Jihoon asks.

Seungcheol stills and Jihoon notices how cold and damp the collar of his t-shirt is.

Cold. He's so cold.

"I didn't want to. She just - " Seungcheol hiccups and Jihoon hates the sound of it. Part of him still wants to recoil away with disgust because that's somebody dangerous wearing his Seungcheol's face. The other part of him wants to hug the Seungcheol look alike because it _sounds_ _like Seungcheol when he's in pain._

_But it's not him. That's not my Seungcheol. My Seungcheol would never -_

"She came because we were screaming and I was so hungry and I didn't want to hurt you and she came in and I - " Seungcheol rambles, tears dripping off his chin and onto Jihoon's shirt, "I'm not hungry anymore."

Jihoon stares at Seungcheol, head swimming, drool and vomit drying on his cheek, "What the fuck did you do?"

Seungcheol flinches like Jihoon struck him. He rubs at his eyes, sniffling like a child and Jihoon feels _rage_.

Jihoon feels rage, pure and true, deep and never ending.

"What the fuck did you do!" He yells, twisting so he can kick at Seungcheol. He manages to kick him on the ribs and Seungcheol winces, getting off the bed to put distance between them. "What did you do you sick fuck!"

Seungcheol starts crying again, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I was hungry and I didn't want to hurt you and it was you or her and I didn't want - I'm sorry! I'm so - "

Jihoon feels agony.

_It was you or her it was you or her it was you or her it was -_

"Oh, god." Jihoon groans, "Oh, god, fuck, fuck!"

"I had to, Jihoon, or - or - "

"Shut up."

"Or I would've hurt you, I'm sorry, but it was you or her and I love you, I need you, it was you or her, I'm sorry - "

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

"I did it to keep you safe, I didn't want to hurt you, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't want to, but I was so hungry - "

"Shut up! Shut up! You sick fuck! Who was it? Who did you - what was her name? Oh god, oh fuck, why'd you - "

"Hyejoo, it was - the one across the - "

"Across the hall, I know who it is!" Jihoon yells, "I know! I remember! She brought us a pie when we moved in! She has a cat! She - she - "

"I'm sorry!" Seungcheol wails, creeping closer to Jihoon, hands shaky and bottom lip trembling like it always does when he cries, "I didn't want to."

Jihoon is crying again, pressing his face against a pillow as best as he can.

_Hyejoo, oh god, she lives alone, she doesn't have a - a boyfriend or a roommate or a relative, when will they notice? What about her cat? What will happen to him? Will they find out it was Seungcheol? Will they blame me too? Oh god, oh fuck -_

He can feel Seungcheol press his face against his stomach, arms wrapped around his thighs as he cries. Jihoon peeks and sees him sitting at the edge of the bed, body twisted awkwardly.

Jihoon feels...

Jihoon doesn't know what he feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know where I'm going with this. but it's going.
> 
> please tell me what you think, I love u all.
> 
> see you in the next chapter.
> 
> p.s. if u kno which hyejoo I'm talking about I fucking love u


	4. chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He'll be fine. It's fine. Everything will be better soon.

[Feb 2, 3:56 p.m.]

They both stop crying.

Jihoon passes out again, sobs turning into soft whimpers that continue on in his sleep.

Seungcheol cleans the vomit off the floor.

[Feb 2, 6:19 p.m.]

"Please, Jihoon, you need to eat."

Jihoon doesn't reply.

_Your fault, it's your fault, he killed her for you, because of you, he has her bones in the bathroom, he didn't just kill her he ate her because of you, because of you, your fault, yours yours yours -_

Seungcheol sighs and sits at the foot of the bed.

[Feb 3, 8:30 a.m.]

"Yes. He's... sick." Seungcheol says into Jihoon's phone, plastic smile on his face even if Joshua isn't in front of him. He laughs, airy and fake. Jihoon wants to vomit. He thrashes on the bed, screaming against the gag in his mouth and Seungcheol looks over his shoulder.

He glares at Jihoon and Jihoon feels his heart break.

_My Seungcheol - he would - he would never hate me, he would never be this cruel._

Seungcheol's eyes are no longer black. They're back to brown. His teeth are still sharp and he still doesn't breath, his skin is still cold, but if he doesn't open his mouth Jihoon could almost fake normalcy.

"He caught it from me. We went to the doctor's, was recommended a week off." Seungcheol hums after a pause, "Oh, that's so nice of you. I'll be sure to tell him. Thank you so much. Buh-bye."

Seungcheol hangs up and powers off the phone, removing the battery and pocketing it.

"You have two weeks off, paid." He says, placing Jihoon's phone on the nightstand. Jihoon huffs, face red with anger and exertion from thrashing. "Two weeks. Two weeks for you to trust me so we can go on like normal."

_But it's not. It's not it's not it's not. I don't know you. My Seungcheol would never hurt anyone. He would never hurt me. He would've left, never to be seen again, he would've turned himself in, he would've never done what you're doing now._

Seungcheol sits next to Jihoon, on the edge of the bed, looking at him with an intensity that makes his hair stand in end.

"I'm gonna go for a ride, Jihoon. A long ride. I need to get rid of her. Far away from here. Somewhere where they won't find her." He's stroking Jihoon's hair, caressing his cheeks.

Jihoon squeezes his eyes shut.

_Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, no. Hyejoo I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry._

He's crying again and Jihoon feels helpless. Resentful. He feels bile rise up his throat again and he wants to die.

"I'm trusting you to behave, Ji. Please. I don't want to hurt anyone else because of you."

And it feels like Seungcheol backhanded him.

_Because of you because of you because of you because of you because of you because of you because of -_

[Feb 3, 9:15 a.m.]

Seungcheol kisses his cheek goodbye.

_Behave, Ji._

Jihoon kicks and screams and screams and screams and screams and screams and screams -

[Feb 3, 4:12 p.m.]

Eventually a neighbor comes knocking on the door.

Jihoon thrashes even harder, sobs in relief when the man comes in and tries to release from the scarf tying him to the bed.

"Oh, man, who did this to you?" The man mutters, and Jihoon's voice is hoarse when he pleads to the man to hurry. He tries to relax but his skin is itching.

_He's gonna come back he's gonna come back he's gonna come back he's gonna come back he's gonna come back he's gonna -_

They hear the front door open and Jihoon and the man both freeze.

_He's here._

[Feb 3, 7:00 p.m.]

"Is this what you wanted?" Seungcheol tells him. He's quiet, he's not yelling, but the way he speaks feels like he's trying to flay Jihoon alive. "Did you want me to do this? Was this something you wanted me to do?"

Jihoon sobs, eyes refusing to open because if he does he'll be able to see the holes where the nice man's eyes once were. He'll be able to see the blood coating his shirt and the nice man's slack face and he'll see the nice man's hair in Seungcheol's grip and he'll see the nice man's body crumpled in the corner while Seungcheol holds his head over Jihoon's chest.

Jihoon wants to die.

"This is what happens when you don't behave, Jihoon." Seungcheol says and he has the audacity to sound sorrowful like he wasn't the one to rip the nice man away from him and kill him. Like he wasn't the one to beat the nice man unconscious. Like he wasn't the one to gag him and rip out his eyes. Like he wasn't the one who disappeared to the bathroom with him and came back to bathe Jihoon in the nice man's blood.

Jihoon wants to die.

He can still taste blood.

"I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry Jihoon but I - I warned you." Jihoon can feel Seungcheol looming over him and he just wants him to go away. "I'm sorry Jihoon. I'm sorry." Seungcheol sobs.

He sobs and sobs and sobs.

Jihoon still doesn't open his eyes.

Eventually Seungcheol stops and leaves. Jihoon can hear him drag the nice man out of the room. He hears the bathroom door close and Jihoon -

Jihoon wants to die.

[Feb 4, 11:00 a.m.]

"We need to get you cleaned up but I need you to behave, Ji."

Jihoon is going to beat his ass the moment he has his hands free.

"I need you to behave, Ji." Seungcheol repeats in a firmer voice when Jihoon looks him straight in the eyes. Like he can hear Jihoon thinking. " _Behave_ , Ji."

Jihoon doesn't respond.

Seungcheol frees his wrists, rubbing them to get the feeling back into them. Jihoon lets him, breathing in deep through his nose.

_Relax. Relax. Relax. Relax._

Seungcheol pulls him up and off the bed, eyeing him warily when Jihoon follows without complaint.

Seungcheol all but bathes him. The water in the tub turns pink and Jihoon resists the urge to vomit.

Seungcheol pats him dry, places a kiss on his damp hair and Jihoon does vomit this time.

He leans against the sink, spitting and pushing Seungcheol away when he tries to rub his shoulders comfortingly.

"Don't touch me, go away, leave me alone, stop touching me, stop, stop, stop."

Seungcheol ignores his blabbering and coos instead, reassuring him that everything is fine. He'll be fine. It's fine. Everything will be better soon.

Jihoon watches his vomit go down the drain and that's when he makes a run for it.

Seungcheol's fingers catch the back of his shirt but Jihoon pulls himself forward. He runs towards the apartment door and he almost makes it, he's almost there when he catches a glimpse of a black trash bag.

It's sitting on the couch and Jihoon has no idea of what it could be, but he does. He does know and it makes him freeze.

_It's the nice man. What's left of him. The bones. He died, he died because of you, he died and someone's gonna miss him and he'll never be found and he's dead he's dead those are his bones._

Seungcheol spins him around, cups Jihoon's face between his hands and the grip feels too tight, his skin too cold.

Jihoon wraps his hands around Seungcheol's wrists and hopes he can feel how much Jihoon hates him.

"I gotta go for another ride, Jihoon. I'll be gone for a while. But I'm leaving you clean and fed even if I don't have to because I love you and I want what's best for you. I'm trusting you to behave, Ji."

[Feb 4, 1:49 p.m.]

Seungcheol kisses his cheek goodbye.

Jihoon behaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeyyy bb u wan sum guader?
> 
> why is this piece of shit getting more attention than Paradise Isn't Lost (go read it)?
> 
> is it because the updates are more frequent?
> 
> idk. anyway, like I said before: if this is longer than five chapters I will go back in time and kick my own ass.
> 
> this chapter is all I have to offer you today, tomorrow... idk.
> 
> as always, please let me know what you think.
> 
> thank you for reading, see you in the next chapter.


	5. chapter five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's easier to hurt someone who hasn't shown you kindness, isn't it?

[Feb 5, 8:00 a.m.]

Jihoon wakes to Seungcheol peppering kisses on his face, hand cupping the back of his neck, and Jihoon's shoulders stiffen under his shirt.

For a moment he can keep the vomit at bay, but when Seungcheol licks a stripe up his chin to his cheek Jihoon struggles against his hold and rolls over in bed to vomit on the floor.

Seungcheol sighs.

[Feb 5, 9:33 a.m.]

"Eat."

"Aren't you...?"

"Not hungry."

Jihoon looks down at his cereal.

_Of course he doesn't eat normal food anymore, you dumb fuck. He eats people. He eats their flesh and drinks their blood and breaks their bones with his hands to lap at the bone marrow, he plucks their eyes out and eats them like grapes -_

"Eat, Ji."

Jihoon eats.

[Feb 5, 12:15 p.m.]

"I need you to behave, Ji." Seungcheol says softly, hand squeezing the back of his neck gently. "I don't want to hurt anyone else because of you. I gotta go. I'll be right back. Just need some groceries for you."

Jihoon doesn't respond, sweat beading at his temples with Seungcheol behind him where he can't see him, can't reach him.

_He could snap your neck in seconds, you can't turn around to defend yourself in time, he's waiting for you to fight back._

"Okay." Jihoon says. He feels Seungcheol's hand tighten its hold for a moment before it disappears completely. It's like a ton of bricks were heaved off his shoulders and Jihoon can breathe a little easier.

"Behave, Ji."

Seungcheol leaves Jihoon sitting on the couch, staring vacantly at the tv.

When Seungcheol comes back, he finds Jihoon just how he left him.

[Feb 6, 7:41 a.m.]

Seungcheol wakes Jihoon up with kisses, hand heavy on the nape of his neck.

Jihoon vomits again.

Seungcheol sighs and smiles sadly, "It's okay. You'll get used to it."

[Feb 7, 8:16 a.m.]

Seungcheol wakes Jihoon up with kisses. Jihoon doesn't vomit, just gags.

Seungcheol smiles like Jihoon just told him he loves him.

[Feb 7, 2:34 p.m.]

Seungcheol goes shopping again.

Jihoon hears frantic knocking down the hall. A voice calls out for Hyejoo.

Jihoon behaves.

[Feb 8, 8:00 a.m.]

"Good morning." Seungcheol whispers, holding Jihoon close.

Jihoon doesn't respond, pressing his face harder to Seungcheol's chest.

_Please be a nightmare, please be a nightmare, please be a nightmare, please please please._

Seungcheol cups the back of his head and presses a kiss to his temple.

Seungcheol pulls back and Jihoon can see the tint of red in his eyes.

"Morning." Jihoon croaks out, following Seungcheol's body and once again pressing his face to his chest. That way he can pretend, even if it's for a minute.

Seungcheol chuckles and Jihoon wants to cry.

Eventually they get out of bed, Seungcheol watching intently as Jihoon eats breakfast.

"I'm hungry." He says quietly and Jihoon's spoon stops on its way to his mouth. "And I don't know who I can..."

Jihoon's spoon clatters against the bowl.

"But I've - I've been good. I've behaved, I haven't done anything bad, you went out yesterday and I didn't - I behaved, I _behaved_ , I swear, don't - please don't hurt anyone, _please_ \- "

"Jihoon, I need to eat."

"I haven't done anything wrong since the - the nice man came to help me! You said - "

" _Help_ you?" Seungcheol says, rising from his seat and slamming his hand down on the table, "Help you? That man wanted to _ruin_ our lives, Jihoon!"

"No! He - That's not true! He wanted to help me because - "

"Because what? Because you needed it? He wanted to help you? Help you from what? Me? I only hurt him and that girl because of _you!_ "

Jihoon flinches like he's been slapped, hunching in in himself and eyes stinging with tears.

"No." He says, " _No_ , that's not true, I didn't mean - it wasn't my fault."

"But it _is!_ It was because of you! You screamed and screamed and they had to come check and I had to _protect_ you!"

Jihoon shakes his head, wiping his tears away.

"You're all I have, Ji." Seungcheol says, voice shaky, "You're all I have. I love you. I can't let anyone hurt you, I can't let anyone tear us apart."

"Stop." Jihoon begs, " _Stop_."

Seungcheol rounds the table and kneels on the floor. He has tears in his eyes and Jihoon hates him for it. He hates him for it because it looks so much like _his_ Seungcheol when he's in pain.

"You said you wouldn't - I've _behaved_."

"I know."

"You _said_."

"I know." Seungcheol wraps his arms around Jihoon's waist. "I don't want to hurt you. Not again."

[Feb 8, 10:48 p.m.]

Jihoon feels Seungcheol's hand on the nape of his neck, thumb rubbing against his skin in a way that makes Jihoon squirm.

Jihoon wonders if mind readers exist.

"I need you to pick one."

"I don't want to."

"Jihoon - "

"I don't understand. I behaved. I've been good. You said to behave and I did."

"I need to eat, Jihoon."

"How to you know eating food won't help?"

"Because I've tried. Raw meat. Cereal. Juice. I end up throwing it up."

Jihoon didn't know.

"When did you - "

"When you sleep."

"Oh."

Jihoon wonders if mind readers exist.

Maybe then he'd be able to scream for help without opening his mouth, without upsetting Seungcheol.

_You'd betray him silently. Even after he's shown his love for you, you'd still betray him?_

Jihoon shivers.

 _But it's not love. It's not love and that's not my Seungcheol anymore. I just want help. I want help, I want to die. The guilt, the fear, the hatred - it's exhausting_.

"Do animals help?"

"No."

Jihoon tries not to think about how he found out.

_Is Hyejoo's cat - don't think about it._

"Pick someone, Jihoon."

"No."

"I need you to pick someone."

"No."

"Jihoon, I need you to - "

"No!" Jihoon pulls away from Seungcheol, "No! I don't want to!"

Seungcheol's eyes are furious.

_Behave_ _, Ji._

Jihoon is shaking, "Please, please - don't make me. Please, I've behaved."

"Is everything okay?"

Jihoon turns to look at a woman. Her brown eyes are huge and full of worry, her hair tied back and loose hairs hanging around her face. She looks like she's in a hurry. She's thinner and shorter than him and Jihoon's instinct is to yell at her.

_Go! Leave! Run! Please run away! He'll get you too!_

If he doesn't stand a chance, neither does she.

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm - everything's okay." Jihoon says calmly, "Thank you for, um, checking on me."

The woman smiles thinly, eyes not straying from Seungcheol. It's like she knows he's dangerous and Jihoon wonders why she won't walk away. She looks at him like she knows he's a predator and they're his prey.

_Then why won't she leave? Why isn't she running?_

"Are you sure?" She asks, locking eyes with Jihoon again and Jihoon feels sorrow. Seungcheol comes to stand next to him and places his hand on the nape of his neck.

_This is what happens when you don't behave_ _, Ji._

Jihoon waits for Seungcheol to talk, to scare the woman away but he just looks down at both of them, eyes tinted red.

_He can't open his mouth because she'll see the teeth. She'll see them and she'll know. You can ask for her help. You can. tell her everything and make a scene - but then she'll die because of you, someone else will die because of you. You can't stop him, you can't run from him._

Seungcheol tightens his hand slightly, gently and it makes Jihoon's shoulders stiffen.

"I'm okay. Really." He says, voice shaking, "Just a - a dumb disagreement. Everything's okay, everything's fine."

The woman smiles at him, pity in her eyes, sadness dripping from the corners of her mouth, and Jihoon suddenly gets the feeling that he's trapped underneath Seungcheol's thumb, pushing against it's weight and exhausting himself to the bone.

Jihoon feels so alone.

"Okay. Sorry for misunderstanding." The woman says, nodding her farewell before rushing off.

"Please - please don't hurt her." Jihoon says the moment she's out of earshot, "Please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'll choose someone - I'll - I'll choose, please leave her alone."

_It's easier to hurt someone who hasn't shown you kindness, isn't it?_

Seungcheol looks down at him, face blank, mouth thin with disappointment and Jihoon knows. He knows, _he knows,_ and he wishes he didn't.

_Because of you, it's your fault, your yours yours yours yours, if you had just_ _**behaved** _ _-_

"I'm sorry, Seungcheol, I'm sorry, please don't, please - "

"Don't cry." Seungcheol soothes, wiping Jihoon's tears away and Jihoon wraps his arms around Seungcheol's torso. He looks up at Seungcheol and hates the way his eyes look sad, "Don't cry because someone else will come ask and that'll be your fault too."

Jihoon presses his face to Seungcheol's chest and fights back his sobs. Seungcheol let's him compose himself, placing a hand on the back of his neck while he presses kisses to the top of his hair.

Eventually he stops crying and he looks up at Seungcheol again.

"Please don't." He whispers and Seungcheol smiles at him. He bends down to place a kiss on his lips and Jihoon returns it, clutching Seungcheol's shirt in his hands. He presses closer, rising on his toes to kiss Seungcheol better in hopes that he will spare the woman.

Seungcheol smiles into the kiss.

"Let's get you home."

[Feb 8, 11:31 p.m.]

They come home. Seungcheol kisses Jihoon as much as he pleases and Jihoon tries not to cry.

_It's okay. You'll get used to it._

At least he doesn't want to throw up anymore.

Jihoon shyly kisses Seungcheol back, bottom lip trembling every time he initiates a kiss. Seungcheol laughs when he notices, calls him cute, and that finally makes Jihoon cry.

Seungcheol kisses his tears away.

Jihoon climbs into bed after midnight, waiting for Seungcheol to do the same. He stares up at Seungcheol when he just sits on the edge of the bed.

"Being around you hurts." He says, closing his eyes. Seungcheol sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"Sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

And Jihoon _knows_.

"Sleep, Ji."

Jihoon sleeps.

[Feb 9, 8:29 a.m.]

When he wakes Seungcheol's eyes are back to brown.

Jihoon tries not to think about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's time to go back in time and kick my own ass.
> 
> turns out with will be longer than five chapters wtf. I really tried to end it here but I just COULDN'T HHHHHHNNNNNG and so it took this long to update. i won't apologize for it.
> 
> I updated Paradise Isn't Lost (pls go read that too) like. three weeks ago? I dunno and Im working on the next chapter but I got a little stuck with it so I finished this.
> 
> I would like to thanks Takayan (look him up on youtube I beg of u) for his amazing music that helped me write this. he truly is Iconic.
> 
> As always, I am an absolute slut for praise so please leave a comment!
> 
> see you in the next chapter!!


	6. chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He can't look into the mirror, he hates what he sees.

[Feb 9, 11:00 a.m.]

They're sitting on the couch with the television on when Seungcheol presents him with a ring.

"For you." He says with a smile.

Jihoon looks down at it. It's a woman's ring. Tiny red stones on a thin gold band.

Jihoon recognizes it and curls in on himself with sorrow. He hugs himself, fingers tight enough on his arms he can feel his bones creak.

_It's hers. The woman in a hurry. She was going somewhere. She had it on her right hand. It's hers, it's hers, it's hers._

"That's - that's hers." He says, "Seungcheol, I can't - I don't want to - "

Seungcheol frowns at him and Jihoon feels shame.

"You don't like it?"

"It's hers, I don't - please, don't make me wear it."

"After I went all the trouble of getting it for you?"

Jihoon's face heats up and he doesn't object when Seungcheol pries his hand off his arm and places the ring on his right pinky.

"Don't take it off, okay?"

Jihoon nods, turning away from him to try and focus back on the tv.

He can't.

His mind won't quiet down and his breathing grows harsh and it only gets worse when a slideshow appears on the news, smiling faces on the screen - three too many than what Jihoon would like to recognize.

A number flashes on the bottom of the screen.

Seungcheol switches the television off just as a petite, golden haired woman with red, teary eyes opens her mouth to talk.

There's a picture of Hyejoo in her hands.

"We should go out." Seungcheol says, "You're behaving but we still need to work on how you behave outside the apartment."

 _Petite woman with gold hair. She's looking for_ _Hyejoo_ _. She's looking for her. She's gone to the police, why haven't they come to us yet? Do they know?_

"Jihoon?"

Jihoon jerks at the sound is Seungcheol's voice next to his ear. He shifts away and blinks, trying to focus.

"What?" He asks. Seungcheol frowns and Jihoon feels the ring around his pinky go hot.

"We need to work on how you behave outside the apartment." He repeats, "I can't talk because of my teeth."

Jihoon nods.

"So I need you to behave. I need you to prove to me that you won't say anything out of line. That I can trust you out in public."

"Where do you want to go?" Jihoon asks, "I mean. We can't go out to, um, eat."

For a split moment, Jihoon mourns the fact that they might never visit their favorite restaurant again.

"Where do you want to go?" Seungcheol asks, "To the mall? The movies? The park?"

"I'm fine with whatever." Jihoon shrugs.

"I want you to choose." Seungcheol says, reaching over to hook his hand around the back of Jihoon's neck. Jihoon lets himself be pulled to Seungcheol's side and does his best to not flinch when Seungcheol pecks him on the lips. He blinks away his tears before Seungcheol can see them.

He doesn't want to upset him.

Jihoon's pinky burns.

"Let's go to the park?" He says, "It'd be nice to just walk around for a bit, I guess."

Seungcheol beams down at him and Jihoon feels his heart stop.

It looks so much like his Seungcheol.

_But it's not._

Seungcheol stands from the couch and pulls Jihoon up with him.

"A date after so long. It's it nice?" He asks Jihoon. Jihoon only nods.

[Feb 9, 3:38 p.m.]

They come back from the park and Seungcheol looks throughly satisfied.

"You did very good today." He tells Jihoon. "We just need to go out again tomorrow. And the day after that until you get used to it even more."

Jihoon tries to smile.

His pinky burns. The nape of his neck feels heavy.

_Get used to it._

_Get used to it._

_Get used to it._

[Feb 10, 8:41 a.m.]

Jihoon wakes up to kisses and this time he doesn't flinch. He only tears up, but he doesn't flinch.

Seungcheol practices kissing him at home before they leave and by the time they leave, Jihoon can kiss back without crying.

He leaves the apartment with Seungcheol's hand at the nape of his neck and a ring around his pinky.

Jihoon behaves.

[Feb 11, 4:59 p.m.]

They spend the day out.

Jihoon feels a strange hollowness at the lack of Seungcheol's voice.

"I... You didn't talk a lot, today." It feels like Jihoon is admitting something and it makes his skin crawl. "Not even at home before we left."

Seungcheol smiles at him, soft eyes with sharp teeth.

"Did you miss my voice?"

No. Jihoon wants to say. But then what was the empty feeling in his chest?

"...Um, yeah." He says because he must have. Why else would he feel weird at the lack of Seungcheol's voice?

Seungcheol kisses him.

Jihoon kisses back.

[Feb 12, 7:29 a.m.]

Jihoon wakes up without his ring.

He doesn't notice until Seungcheol grabs his hand too tight and asks him where he put it.

"I - I don't know. Let me look for - "

"I told you not to take it off, Ji. Why can't you just behave?"

Jihoon flinches and tugs until Seungcheol let's go of his hand. He rubs it, cradling it to his chest.

"I really don't know where it is. It must've fallen off when - in my sleep. I'll look for it." He says.

He can feel Seungcheol staring at him as he turns their bedroom upside down trying to find the ring. He finds it caught between the headboard and the mattress.

He sighs in relief and turns to show it to Seungcheol.

"See? It fell off."

Seungcheol takes the ring from him and places it on his pinky again.

"Be more careful with it." Seungcheol says. Jihoon feels his bottom lip tremble at the disapproving tone.

"Okay."

[Feb 13, 4:08 a.m.]

Jihoon wakes up screaming.

He thrashes, he sobs, he pushes Seungcheol away.

Jihoon can't see anything,but he can feel pain. Agony, sorrow, exhaustion deep to his core. He wants to leave, he wants to escape Seungcheol's clutches, but a glance at the ring on his pinky finger reminds him that he can't.

"Jihoon, behave!" Seungcheol barks and Jihoon goes ridgid. He stops thrashing, he stops screaming and he lets Seungcheol pull him close.

He feels Seungcheol's cold hand on the back of his neck and he relaxes.

"What's going on?"

"I had a nightmare." Jihoon says, "Hyejoo. The nice man. The woman in a hurry."

Seungcheol stays quiet.

"They all just stood there. And looked at me. They just stared. And then you - "

Jihoon chokes on a sob.

Seungcheol stays quiet.

"You came up behind them, with - with a knife and - and just - you slit their throats and they just stood there and looked at me."

Seungcheol pulls him closer and Jihoon feels him press kisses to his hair. It makes him cry harder, it makes him press closer.

Seungcheol begins shushing him, running a hand down this back while the other stays locked around the back of his neck. Jihoon can feel the ring on his pinky burn.

"It's okay. It's okay." He murmurs.

And it's not. It's not okay. It's not okay and Jihoon isn't either.

_It's okay. You'll get used to it. It's okay. You'll get used to it. It's okay._

_Get used to it._

_It's okay._

_Get used to it._

_Okay._

Get used to it.

Jihoon falls back asleep.

[Feb 13, 9:17 a.m.]

Jihoon wakes up to Seungcheol peppering his face with kisses.

Jihoon smiles.

Jihoon eats breakfast and Seungcheol stubs his toe, making him whine. It makes Jihoon bark out a laugh.

They both stare at each other with wide eyes before Jihoon continues to laugh. It feels wrong on a certain level, but he does his best to ignore it.

Jihoon doesn't touch the tv all day.

Seungcheol takes him out on a date again. Jihoon behaves.

They share kisses and Jihoon feels nothing.

[Feb 14, 7:35 a.m.]

Jihoon wakes with a smile on his face. He returns all of Seungcheol's kisses.

He eats breakfast and Seungcheol tells him, "I need to eat, Jihoon."

The smile on Jihoon's face drops.

He stares down at his mug of coffee.

"Okay." He says, "Tonight?"

Seungcheol stares at him, "Yeah."

"Okay." He repeats. He nods and stands from the table. He walks past Seungcheol, not sparing him a glance, and locks himself in the bathroom.

He stares at his reflection. He thinks back on the day everything started.

_You should've fought harder. You should've just killed yourself immediately that day. You gave in so fast. You didn't put up a fight. You just gave in. All of this is your fault. You could've told someone, anyone and you didn't. It's not that you can't escape from Seungcheol - you don't want to._

Jihoon spits into the sink, gagging.

_You don't want to you don't want to you don't want to you don't want to you don't want to you don't want to you don't want to!_

His breathing is coming in harsh puffs. He can't look into the mirror, he hates what he sees.

It infuriates him.

He looks up, he has to.

"You don't want to, do you?" His reflection says, "This is all your fault."

He lets out a scream and throws whatever is in reach at the mirror. He runs out of things to throw and starts punching it, not realizing that he's bleeding until Seungcheol bursts into the bathroom.

"Jihoon, behave!" He yells and Jihoon freezes. He stares at the broken mirror, stares at the blood. He turns to look at Seungcheol.

His eyes are tinted red again.

"Let's get it over with. Please." He chokes out. "Let's just get it over with."

[Feb 14, 11:44 p.m.]

They go somewhere far, far away from their town.

Jihoon picks someone.

A middle-aged man. Not too young, not too old.

Seungcheol drops him off at a hotel and disappears.

Jihoon sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wonder how this will end lmaooo ur guess is as good as mine babeyyyy
> 
> I don't really have much to say about this chapter. there should only be like. two chapters left. man. this got out of hand.
> 
> as always, please let me know what you think!!! thank you for reading, see you in the next chapter <3


	7. chapter seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was Jihoon going to ask next?
> 
> He can't quite remember.

[Feb 15, 6:21 a.m.]

Jihoon wakes to Seungcheol pressed up against his back. His arms are loose around Jihoon's middle, face between his shoulder blades. He can feel cold puffs of breath on his skin through his tshirt.

Jihoon blinks his heavy eyes and pulls away from Seungcheol, sitting at the edge of the bed.

"Where are you going?"

Jihoon flinches, curling up on himself before he turns to look at Seungcheol over his shoulder.

His eyes are brown again, half lidded and drowsy. His eyes furrow at Jihoon's reaction and Jihoon worries he's annoyed Seungcheol.

"Bathroom." Jihoon whispers, forcing himself to uncoil. His hand reaches out against his will, combing his fingers through Seungcheol's hair.

Seungcheol's eyes flutter shut, his mouth curling up into a smile. Jihoon lets out a breath and leaves to go to the bathroom.

His head is ducked when he enters.

The whole time he can hear his reflection whispering, tapping against the mirror and it only grows louder when he approaches the sink to wash his hands.

" - like it don't you? Don't want to. Wanna stay. Don't wanna leave. He loves you. You love him. He got you a ring. He always needs skin to skin contact. Who will ever love you like he does? Who, who, who, who - "

Jihoon's head is still ducked when he leaves the bathroom. He can finally breathe properly when he does. He crawls back to bed, curling up against Seungcheol's chest.

He wishes Seungcheol was warm. He wishes the hotel bedsheets weren't so stiff and rough. He wants to be in his own bed.

Their bed.

"Can I ask you a question?" Jihoon whispers. Seungcheol hums, pulling Jihoon closer.

Jihoon wishes be could hear two heartbeats instead of just his own.

"Why do you think I'm not like you? I mean, you bit me. And then I was healed after a few hours."

"I helped you." Seungcheol says. Jihoon can feel the rumble of his voice. He helped, his mind echoes, he helped. "I don't know why, but I just - I put some of my blood on it and it healed. I don't know why my bite didn't hurt you."

_Didn't hurt you. Didn't hurt you. Didn't hurt you._

Jihoon tries to remember how bad it hurt when Seungcheol tried to rip his throat out.

_Rip your throat out? Now you're just being dramatic. It was only a bite._

Jihoon tries to remember the pain, but he most he can remember is an itch, subtle and under his skin just out of his reach. Perhaps the fear had made it seem worse than it was.

He tries to remember what the wound had looked like in the mirror and the only thing that he can see are the indents of Seungcheol's teeth.

Did he bleed? He can't remember. Probably not.

What was Jihoon going to ask next?

He can't quite remember.

Jihoon squirms closer to Seungcheol and falls asleep again.

[Feb 15, 8:53 a.m.]

Jihoon wakes up to Seungcheol wrapped all around him, humming as he traces lazy circles on Jihoon's back.

Jihoon tilts his head up to press a kiss to Seungcheol's throat, smiling lazily when Seungcheol laughs.

"Good morning." Seungcheol says. He pulls away to look down at Jihoon. "I got you something."

Jihoon goes stiff at that. His smile feels like plastic. His blood runs cold.

Seungcheol pays him no mind.

He turns to the nightstand and holds up a gold rosary.

"I know we're not the religious type, but I thought it was pretty."

"Do I have to wear it?" Jihoon asks.

"Hm. Only if you take off your ring. You have to wear something. The ring or this. Both if you want to."

Jihoon glances at the rosary. He extends his hand out like it's a rabid animal. He gently takes it from Seungcheol's grasp. He rolls the beads between his fingers thoughtfully before he sits up and puts it on. He tucks it inside his shirt before turning a wobbly smile at Seungcheol.

"It hurts." He says.

Seungcheol smiles back. He leans in to place a kiss on Jihoon's lips. Jihoon presses back gently.

"It's okay. You'll get used to it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DID THIS IN LIKE THREE HOURS AND IT SHOWS BABY STAY TUNED FOR THE EPILOGUE


	8. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He watches Jihoon like he holds the universe together which he did before, but now it's intense, it's... it's scary.

_Oh darling._

_My darling._

_To think you'd have me here, drowning in the mercy of your cruelty._

_To fall for your version of love. To go insane for your kisses. To think what you do is care._

_Care and take my ribcage in your hands and pull, spill my lungs out on the floor and blame me for the difficulty of breathing. Tear out my heart and eat it as I watch and say it's for my own good. Pull out my eyes and say it's so I can see things clearly._

_Oh darling._

_My darling._

_To think you'd have me here, in the clutches of your love._

-

[Oct 31, 5:11 p.m.]

Joshua watches as Jihoon leans in to kiss Seungcheol.

At first, when Jihoon had been back from his sick leave, he'd had been skittish. Jumpy, paranoid, sad.

Jihoon came back with a lot of strange behaviors.

Joshua swears he heard him bawling in the bathrooms one day. Jihoon denied it, walking out of the bathroom with no swollen eyes or pink cheeks.

_How did he do that? Did I imagine it?_

Jihoon avoids mirrors, he owns multiple rosaries even if he's not catholic, he wears a different ring on his pinky every day. He looks at Seungcheol with warm eyes tinged with fear.

Seungcheol has a different aura around him nowadays too.

Seungcheol always has a hand resting on the nape of Jihoon's neck, Jihoon talks for Seungcheol most of the time, like he's mute which Joshua knows is not the case, he smiles with his lips presses together and he watches Jihoon like he holds the universe together which he did before, but now it's intense, it's... it's scary.

He finds it weird but the first and last time he had asked Jihoon about his strange behavior, his jaw had clicked shut and he ignored Joshua for a week.

Eventually Joshua apologized, promised not to ask anymore and Jihoon had smiled at him with relief.

It still bothers Joshua.

So, Joshua decides to follow them around. Just for a day. What's the harm?

Joshua tails them when they go on a date to the park, strolling around. Seungcheol doesn't raise a hand towards Jihoon, Jihoon laughs and smiles like nothing's wrong.

Nighttime approaches and Joshua feels some sort of relief.

He's about to leave when Jihoon looks in his direction, holding his gaze as his smile drops off his face. He watches curiously as Jihoon leans in to whisper in Seungcheol's ear.

His blood freezes with fear when Seungcheol looks over his shoulder and locks eyes with him.

His hands start to tremble when Seungcheol smiles at him with sharp teeth.

He turns and starts to walk away, heart thumping against his ears.

_What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck._

Joshua's phone rings and he break out in a run. He runs and runs and runs.

He makes it home.

His phone rings again.

It's Jihoon.

Joshua picks up.

" _You promised_." Jihoon says softly, like he's heartbroken. " _You promised and I saved you the first time, but I can't do anything now. I'm sorr_ y."

Joshua let's out a shuddering breath, "Jihoon, what - "

There's a knock on the door.

" _I'm so sorry. I can't help you now_." Jihoon says, voice growing softer, " _You should've behaved, Joshua. Why didn't you behave?_ "

The line goes dead.

There's a knock again. Joshua answers the door.

There stands Seungcheol.

"Oh, if only you had been as well behaved as my Jihoon." He says with sharp teeth. Seungcheol looks at him with red eyes that hold him in place. "You could've stayed friends with him."

"Please - I don't - I don't understand." Joshua chokes out.

"That's okay. You get used to it."

Seungcheol steps inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND RYATS IT BABEYYYYYYYYYYYY that's it. very satisfied. very happy. I like it. maybe you won't, and I'm sorry about that. I'll try harder next time. I just started writing and I couldn't stop and this is the result.
> 
> I am very content with it.
> 
> I'm also working on a spooky hanhoon thing featuring Jiwoo n bm lol please look forward to that.
> 
> thank you all for sticking around, thank you for commenting, thank you for leaving kudos. please check out paradise isn't lost if you can or want to idk. I still have a lot to do with that piece.
> 
> see you around <3


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